About six years ago a high school instructor of mine required students to map out a 10yr plan of what our lives would look like. Like many young girls, I listed falling in love with the man of my dreams as a top priority. I wanted to attain the romantic security I yearned for by the age of 25, with the hopes of being happily married to the man I'd spend the rest of my life with. Eventually, these naïve hopes began to clash with my generation's ideologies. With so many nonconformists and liberal young adults, traditional ideas of commitment are hard to find. I don't believe there is anything wrong with progressive ways of life or progressive thought processes, but I also remain a firm believer in monogamy and true love. When you find someone who can add inspiration and motivation to your life it is essential that you both make sure that they remain apart of it. Yes, relationships take hard work and dedication but they also build character and form unbreakable bonds.
I am a hopeless romantic and I am not ashamed to admit it because I know there are many others who share this same sentiment. I pride myself on loving wholeheartedly and unconditionally and require others to love me in the same way, baggage and all. Often times love is unexplainable, especially when it is unexpected. As humans, I believe we spend too much time trying to define it and not enough time experiencing it.
I'm 23 now and can count on my hand how many times I've truly given my all to man and to a committed relationship. Some may view my search for sincerity in love as serial dating, but I'm not someone who's easily impressed or quick to fall head over heels. I know that my spirit will not align easily with another's but I will remain patient until it does.
I have just recently gotten out of a relationship and though the tough part of the breakup has subsided with time the hurt feelings still linger. This was my first real relationship because I experienced intimacy in a way that I had never experienced it before, simply by showing someone every side of me and remaining comfortable when doing so.
Maybe he's the one and maybe this will prove to be true in another lifetime, but what I've learned about pain is that it only lasts for as long as you and your subconscious allow it to last. We've been programmed to see break ups as losses but what if it's life's way of telling us that it has much greater things in store for us, maybe with a better person who was designed just for each one of us? Or maybe with the same individual but a reinvented version of them.
I came up with 11 THINGS TO DO WHILE GOING THROUGH A BREAK UP because I documented every step of my process and hopefully this can be useful to someone out there who may be dealing with a similar situation:
1. Accept that it's over. Stop Over analyzing why it happened and just simply embrace the new reality.
2. Cry, cry, cry.... it's very healthy for you.
3. Get on your knees and pray (like Julia Roberts did in "Eat Pray Love")
4. Write your feelings down, get a journal, document how you feel, and talk about them when you can.
5. Watch things that motivate you. I love Ted Talks-- I'll attach some links below to some of my favorite talks that have kept me optimistic about life.
6. Get lost in a new book.
7. Work out, go running, get fit. Invest your energy in making yourself the best version of yourself
8. Listen to break up songs. I prefer old school R&B music.
9. Talk to friends who encourage you.
10. Set a new goal, maybe you want to travel somewhere you've been meaning to go to for a while. Working towards a goal that will keep you motivated. A little day dream goes a long way.
11. Last but not the least, try on a wedding dress :) It will keep the hope alive that one day you’ll meet the right one and he'll look forward to the day you walk down that aisle in that beautiful gown.
Change is constant and emotional growth is mandatory but as long as you're aware of this you'll always thrive even in temporary situations that are hard to bear.
Links For Ted Talks:
Amazing Photos By: Sawyer Baird